Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

I hate lies.  All lies.  Little white lies.  Big ruin you f*cking life lies. And I hate liars.  Whether you are six or sixty, lies are a part of your life.  You're either telling them, hearing them, or wading through them in search of some smidge of the truth.  And worst case, you're trying to remember who you told what, so you don't get caught.  We lie to the ones we love, the ones we hate, and sadly, even ourselves.  And some times, it's not an actual lie.  See, my definition of a lie somewhat differs from good ole Webster.

Webster says:
lie (verb)- to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive.

 I also believe it is the absence of statements; the absence of information.  But it seems a little extreme to start conversations with a hand on the Bible swearing to "tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth," though, let's face it, it'd be a hell of a lot easier to figure out who to trust and who to toss out. (am I right or am I right?)  I loved the show Lie to Me that used to be on Fox.  At one point in my life, I watched it like a research project for grad school.  I needed to learn ways to discover if someone was trying to get away with murder, or worse...cheating.
As a mom to twins, I have taught them that we live in a "truth house."  As long as you tell the truth, you get in less trouble.  Mostly, I find a face frozen, not wanting to tell a lie, but fearful of what the truth might bring.  And I can understand that.  I am the worst at the sick to my stomach, getting called to the principal's office feeling.  (I was a teacher, and a call from the principal's office is even scarier then!)
As I became an adult, I perfected my skill of lying.  I know my tells, but I sure ain't going to point them out to others, especially those I might one day need to deceive.  And there's no chance of me passing a polygraph.  But then again, I usually operate with everyone else's feelings coming into play before my own.  In one such previous relationship, I had to lie to survive.  Needless to say, that prison term is over.  I got out for really, really bad behavior.  But that left me with only myself. And that can be the most dangerous of lies to tell.  A "yes, you should buy that, and no, this is a good idea, don't worry."  But as I've gotten older, in some ways I've gotten wiser.  I refuse to lie. I figure if I have to lie about it, then I shouldn't be doing it.  That, or I just tell the person to f*** off if they don't like it.

But what do you do if someone lies to you? What if it's someone you trust?  What if it's the most important person in your life?  I expect everyone to tell the truth and do the right thing, but life has shown, that ain't gonna happen.  And sadly, even those we love, fail miserably sometimes.  Therefore, I am not a very trusting person.  Oh, and I don't forget.  I may forgive, but you can forget about me forgetting.  So, how do you rebuild trust?  Or do you?  Are you constantly watching, stalking, waiting for that other shoe to drop?  And if it has dropped...would you really want to know?  It's easy to say that you want to know the truth, but do you?  You are going to have to make some seriously tough decisions based on this new version of events. Do you keep the friendship, relationship, marriage?  I really don't think most of us want to know the truth.  We just want you to know that we know.  It's a pride thing.  We don't want to look stupid, vulnerable, or weak.  And God help you, if you make us look stupid to others because of your lies.  And don't give me the excuse of not telling me to protect me.  Lies are only to protect the idiots who told them to begin with.

Now, don't get me wrong or read too much into this post, this isn't about me.  I am a liar.  I have done it before, and since I'm still breathing, I'm sure to do it again.  But I want to know if you all have ever told a lie that was found out.  Have you ever had your world rocked because of a lie?  Did you keep that person or did you wash your hands of the whole thing?  And if it's the former...how did you learn to trust again?


  1. I just watch to see if what people say matches with what they do. I don't take people's word for who they are because I'm smart enough to figure it out myself. These are the simplest things I can do to weed out who I don't trust.

  2. Thought-provoking post...I was all set to disagree with "I really don't think most of us want to know the truth", but then I read the rest of your paragraph, and you make a really good point. I call myself a truth-seeker, have always said that I want to know the truth even when it's hard...and for the most part I do. But in some situations, the "we don't want to look stupid" is dead on. A lie (or rather a series of lies) rocked my world in the not so distant past. It made me question not only the person who perpetrated the lies, but everyone and everything in my life. For me the jury is still out on whether you can ever fully open yourself up to trusting in the way you did before...I think a person can still trust another, but it has boundaries that might not have existed before. It's a natural protection mechanism, and so long as it doesn't become a barrier to the good we want to experience in life, then I'm not sure it's a bad thing. At some point we may have to ask ourselves which is worse: the fear of being deceived again, or the pain of losing this opportunity (for happiness, goodness, friendship, love, etc)? There are always risks...I hope I have the common sense to know which risks are worth it and which are not.

  3. @Kari, that same lie from a different person rocked mine, too. And though it seemed like the world was ending, it was just a shift back onto the path we were meant to follow, dont you think? I'm never been this happy in my life. And re-connecting with you is one of the perks! You will know when to take the risks. I would never have guessed a short time ago that I'd be here. I would have laughed in your face if you would have told me so.

    @Sarah, I always heard pay no attention to what man says, but everything he does. Ain't that the truth? But I think it applies to all people.