Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Target is the new Walmart

I don't like tattoos. No hearts. No butterflies.  No...No.  And yes, I'm totally aware that I married a military man, but I managed to find the one UN-inked man left in the USMC.  But to me, tats are tacky.  Again...to me.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  I don't really care what you do to your body, but I am kinda tired of seeing your personal doodle pad.

Let's back up...last week in Target (where else would I be?), I quickly realized I might be the only person in the store without a tattoo.  And y'all, I ain't talking cutsie little butterflies and hearts.  I'm talking ALL OVER tattoos.  I started looking around to make sure I was still in Target...not Walmart.  As I'm strolling through the store making my own personal wish list, I passed several different families each with the MOTHERS covered in tattoos.  Yes, go ahead...call me a conservative prude. You'd be very wrong, but on this one...ewww!

I overheard one mom talking on her cell that she and her daughter...not yet 18...got tats together to celebrate something or other.  Is this what we do now?  Cause I can go ahead and break the news to Lola...it ain't happenin'. Lucky for me I grew up where my grandmother, mama, aunts, etc. weren't walking billboards for drunken dumbass nights.  And I respect them for it.  (could one or more have a tattoo that I don't know about...sure.  But see that's the point...I don't have to SEE it.)

Tattoos used to be private.  Something only those intimately connected to you would know about.  Or men who served our country who inked themselves to seal the bond with their brothers of times spent in training, in war, away from their blood family.  It was a badge of honor.  This new lifestyle is stupid.  I get that it's an art form.  I mean, it takes talent, patience, but a little sadomasochistic mentality in my opinion.  (and if I spelled that wrong, bite me, since you'd probably enjoy it.)

Here are my random thoughts:
Chinese characters:  Do you think it's going to make you fast friends when China takes over?   I'm thinking before I permanently write in another language on myself, I'd do some serious research...just to make sure. 
Boobs: Girls, when you have kids...these things grow and shrink...no way to know what that cute little tattoo will look like afterwards. 
Tramp Stamp: Y'all....it really is.  It's already bad enough to see men checking out women's asses, but stretching to catch a glimpse of some "secret" tattoo right about your butt crack...you are advertising exactly what you are.
Quotes:  I love quotes.  I have a whole book of quotes that I've collected over the years...but these deep thoughts tattooed all over you...anything you could possibly say, no matter how DEEP, is cancelled out by your big flashy billboarding of your body.  Live by example.  It is really true that actions speak louder than words.

And honestly, cause I'm insane, I kept thinking of these men or women with pictures and sayings all over them trying to be intimate with their partner.  I don't know about y'all, but when I get undressed, the last thing I want is him READING.  Unless it's in braille.  (sorry, mama).

But let me leave you with this one thought....if you aren't pissed and have logged off....remember how you look back at old photos like middle school or those 80s pictures of the big hair and crazy clothes.  Remember how you laugh at how ridiculous you look and how far you've come.....Now think of having to wear that outfit EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. of your life because that's what a tattoo is.  It's a moment, a passing feeling that you permanently put on your body. 

I wear my tattoos on my heart.  But again...that's just me.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Alright already. I know it's been a while.  What?  I've been busy.  And while I was on hiatus, this amazing and funny chick (that's totally PC, right?) gave me an award.  Me!  I was as shocked as you.  I mean, wow!  And there's no way I could let her down.  So.... you like me, you really like me!!! (well, at least one person besides my mama). 

And then...here come the rules.  It's like the small print on the car commercials or the fast-talking guy on the radio commercials.  There's always fine print.  Here goes.  I have to acknowledge the award giver, answer 7 questions, and give up 10 unknown facts (hardest part, I'm already an open book), and then I win a brand new car!!!!  No, no car.  But in my head, it was very Price Is Right with me jumping screaming and kissing the host, right?

In my imagined award show...the Jemmy's?  Sorry, that's as close to Emmys as I could get.  My amazing award giver, who I imagine coming on stage with some cute jokes to present my award (there's totally a statue right?) and talk about my awesomeness is frugalistablogdotcom.  She is so much fun.  Never afraid to talk about a topic.  I mean, she'll talk family, parenting, sex, her Hubs (McSweetie), even sex with McSweetie.  And her video blogs...vlogs and music videos.  Oh. My. Gawd.  Y'all.  Not only do you have to start reading her blog...you gotta find her on facebook and twitter, if you understand how to use the damn twitter.  If so, you can go twitter-stalk some celebs with her.  James Bond, you've been warned.


What is my favorite song?
That's like choosing a favorite child.  I love music.  It speaks to my soul.  But as much as many would guess it's James Taylor.  It's actually "Have a Little Faith in Me".   Back when I was a single mom, I kept hoping that my kids would always know Mama was taking care of business and doing everything for them.  And I've always been so protective of my students over the years, leading, guiding, mothering them.  I wanted them to always have faith in me to keep going....never give up.

What is my favorite dessert?
Honestly, it's the Vanilla Bean Cheesecake from TGIFridays.  But quite possibly, my friend Kim's pound cake with strawberries.  Well, crap.  Now, I'm hungry.  Awesome.

What do you do when you are upset?
I tend to clean.  It's weird.  Happy=messy.  Pissed=clean.  It's like the water is my tears and the scrubbing is my anger.  Deep right?

Favorite pet?
Bella.  My puppy from college.  She was hilarious.  Refused all dog food, loved cheetos.  Rode in my car like a human.  And when she sat in front of you, she'd slowly slide back to where she was snuggling with you.  It was so funny watching her be sneaky.

White or Whole Wheat?
I guess whole wheat, whole grain, multi-grain.  Even our pasta and "wraps" are.  I blame my husband. I can't even eat regular flour tortillas anymore.  It's so messed up.

What is your biggest fear?
Failure.  Failure as a parent and daughter.  Failing at any task.  This has prevented me from doing lots of things in my life.  Sad but true.

What is your attitude mostly?
Most would say pessimist.  I say realist based on the events of my life.  But I choose to say my attitude is GRATEFUL.  I am grateful for each day, the people in my life, and basically everything that surrounds me.  Seriously, I love the craziest things.  There's a field near my house of just tall grass, but the colors, the movement, the beauty that takes me breath away, and I'm grateful to drive by it each day.  Yep, I'm that nauseating.

1. I used to have this reoccurring dream about a bridge that I'm supposed to cross, but it's out, and I have to jump it in my car or swing across it.  I had this dream weekly until I told my mom once, and she had almost the identical dream...and I haven't had it since.

2. I get these "feelings" out of no where, like hair standing up on the back of neck, sometimes almost painful in my stomach.  It's my sixth sense, my gut telling me things.  But sometimes it's about topics that have nothing to do with me, directly.  It's not often, thankfully, because it's upsetting.  And I spend so much time trying to figure out how my mind got there, as if something surely caused me to have that thought.  The last one was a couple of weeks ago about my husband's grandmother who I haven't seen or spoken to since Thanksgiving...a day later he got the call that she was very ill and going to pass away.  She was gone less than a week later.  And I hate we weren't there to tell her goodbye.  So it's not really a gift in my opinion because I can't tell how it'll play out. 

3. I'm a job snob.  I don't want to work just anywhere.  So when I complain about needing a job, you have to ignore me.  I want a good job.  I have 6 years of college, two degrees, and 8 years of teaching.  So yeah, I don't want to work at the grocery store.  Nothing wrong with it, but I want to do something that makes a difference, something I believe in.  Love me or hate me.  It's who I am.

4. I like plain.  Cookie? Sugar. Ice Cream? Vanilla. Pizza? Cheese.  I don't like to mix and match my stuff.  It's weird and boring. But I like boring.

5.  I'm a jealous person.  JEALOUS.  But I'm also fiercely loyal...so basically, just don't screw with me.

6. I think my birthday is a big deal.  But I'm weird about presents.  I think they should have meaning or don't bother.  And yes, it's a test.  It will tell me whether you really know me and how much you care for me.  But it's not about money.  Case in point...my husband knows flowers make me sad because they die.  Valentine's Day this year, he made me paper flowers, so they would never die.  It was the thought, the time he put into it, and the really GETTING me.  <Swoon>

7. I'm a great liar.

8. I want to go to law school, but I'm too scared. (see above on failure)

9. I can't swim.  Not under the water.  I have to hold my nose.  And then I can't see.  And I'm too scared to learn.  There are some things you need to learn early.

10. Broken my nose several times. I have deviated septums.  But once I damaged it so badly that it messed up a tube connecting my nose to my ear.  My ear is so messed up that instead of hearing loss I have hearing like a dog.  I can hear so well that you better be careful if you are talking about me and thinking I can't hear you.  News Flash.... I heard that! (But not the worst trait as a teacher, especially in middle school)

NOW, I'm supposed to bestow this award on those that I enjoy.  Sadly, most of my favorites are the Big Dawgs who don't know I exist.  So, for the sake my coughing fit (I really need to go to bed), I'm going to choose one of my faves....

Marvelous Mo' and Me
M3 is FANTASTIC!  She has been supportive in bloggyland and in real life.  We've never met, but we live only 90 minutes from each other.  We both have smartass 6 year olds.  Hers is Mo.  And the best part is M3 is hilarious. This one can make me smile through anything.  Honestly, if you aren't one of her fans, you are missing out. 

Marine Wife, Mom, Work & Life
As a new Marine wife, I love her support and advice.  She and I also have a lot in common with relationships, kids, and now her new job as stay-at-home mommy to her two boys.  She has the funniest pics and ecards on Facebook, but I love following her days of baby, boy, and life on base.  Hurry and catch her while she's still vacationing in Cali.

No seriously....go find these girls, NOW!