I have a tomboy. In her defense, her mama was a tomboy, she has a twin brother, and I don't have the money to even begin to buy these outrageous smocked, over-the-top outfits. If I get her in a dress without an eyeroll, I feel a huge accomplishment. As we cleaned out her closet last night, we found a couple of dresses with the tags still on that she has outgrown (you're welcome, Kel). But I love this strong-willed, tough little girl. She's opinionated, smart, funny, honest with her feelings, free with her "I love yous" and an all around great kid.
(notice she's the only one paying attention? she told them to stop dancing. "This is baseball, not ballet.")
It got me thinking (as I'm alienating most of my FB friends), are y'all training those little babies' necks to hold up future Miss Mississippi crowns with those huge bows? They are adorable, but a little ridiculous. I'm not talking about an occasional special day outfit. I'm talking about Every. Single. Day. And if you think I'm kidding, go play on Etsy. All of the addresses of those talented mamas are located well below the Mason-Dixon. Maybe y'all are training your little Southern Belles better than I did. Mine would shout for days even if I brought something smocked near her. But the real kicker are the boys' outfits. I guess it's part of the official training manual for parents sending their sons to Ole Miss (there is a manual right? how else does everyone end up looking and acting the same?) But I'm shocked that even in small towns I find the matchy-matchy outfits with bows and ruffles and smocked and appliqued everything for trips to the grocery store or to a park (which they are then told not to get dirty). (Disclaimer: we do own some things like this...but it's rare)
So as I sat here last night...bored listening to music. I kept thinking about the fact that one of my XM stations keeps playing Sir Mixalot...CONSTANTLY, which means I have to keep changing the channel on the way to tball. Now, if you know me, you know I write poetry, love music, and change the lyrics to anything to make my kids laugh. So to the tune of "Baby Got Back" I wrote this:
I like big bows and I cannot lie
Those Rufflebutts can't deny.
When a baby comes in with a christening gown
And a poofy bow above their face
You get smocked, wanna pull out your wallet
Cause you notice that bow was fluffed
Deep in the South, they're wearing
You're hooked and I can stop staring
Oh baby, they dress you
And take your picture
Those onesies aren't so boring
Oh ruffle pant sets
You say you wanna shop again
Well excuse me, excuse me
Cause you gonna run outta of money.
I seen you charging
To hell with Walmarting
She's sweet, a treat.
Got it going on, can't be beat
Tired of shopping malls
Saying plain pants aren't the thing.
Take the average mama and ask her that.
She ain't gonna take long on that.
So mamas (yeah!)
Does your baby wear the bows? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to ditch 'em, ditch 'em
Ditch those stupid clothes
Babies Say No!
My apologies to any mamas who dress their sweet babies like this. Somewhere between being jealous of you and laughing at you, you'll find me shopping at Target, Kohls, and whoever else is on sale. The military might have a housing allowance, but they don't have a smocking allowance. And gas ain't cheap. Besides, my kids are happy with who they are, and that's what all of us what for our kids, no matter what they are wearing.