Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Conversations with Lola...

Lola.  One half of my favorite two little people on the planet.  She is a hot mess.  I'm pretty sure that phase was coined just for her.  This same child announced when she was two that she would not be called by her name (it was her middle name), but would be using her first name (by the way, thanks Daddy).  Well, now, she's thinking of changing it again....because "I'm bored with it.  I'm so over it.  So, let's just go to the other one again and see how that feels."  Seriously?  Yep. 
Don't be deceived by the innocence.
Same kid thinking it'd be funny to have a shot of her strangling her brother
If you know me in the real world, then you have been subjected to her funny sayings a while now.  This child came out funny.  I honestly think she cried so much as a baby because she couldn't talk or give her opinion.  Most say she is the spitting image of me.  I don't see it.  She's beautiful.  Strong-willed, tough, big-hearted, truthful, forgetful and fiecely loyal to her twin brother. And the girl has moves...stripper moves, but still.  There was this time in TGIFridays that I and the rest of partrons may never forget.  (think lap dance with no one in the chair.  Hubs almost needed the heimlich).  But the best feature on this kid...her mouth.  Her smart mouth.  If sarcasm is an inherited apologies to her future husband.  And she will tell it like it anyone, anytime, anywhere.  The number of times me or the Hubs have almost had choked on Dr. Pepper...

For example, this was today...

Lola: Mama, what are you doing?
Me: Trying to figure something out.
Lola: You should Google it.  Google knows everything.  Even more than you, Mom.
Me: Thanks.  I did Google.
Lola:  Why is your face all "frowny"?  I can see those lines on your face that you hate.
Me: Oh, really?
Lola:  You will need shots.
Me: Shots?
Lola: My friend, her Mama gets shots in her face that make her face freeze like this (making a stretched-tight face).
Me: Botox?
Lola:  I don't know what kind of box, but she said it's weird.
Me: Hmmm.
Lola:  And my other friend's mom, she got new boobies.  They are HUGE!  Like this big (stretching her arms out).
Me: How do you know this?
Lola:  We talk about stuff at school.
Me: Oh really....and what do you say about me?
Lola: That you are always kissing my stepdad. And it's a lot.  And it's gross.  And sometimes you lick him.
Me: (my full attention now) WHAT?  I lick him?  What are you talking about?
Lola:  The other night, you were kissing in the kitchen, and you were kissing a lot, and I think I saw your tongue.  Why would you do that?
Me: (stupified) Lo, first of all, I was NOT licking him.  I was just kissing him.  Second, stop sneaking in and staring at us. Third, kissing is special for people who are married.  So, let's don't share that with friends from school....or anyone with school. (Fourth, for me, make sure I'm not "licking" the Hubs in the kitchen anymore, ha!)
Lola:  Sure, Mom, I've got plenty of other stories to share...(as she bounces out of the room)
Me: Lo!  LO!!!  LOOOOO!!!!  <<facepalm>>


  1. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Buahahahaha!!!!!!!! Oh good golly woman, you're in for some fun when she hits her teenage years!! :)

  3. This post made me laugh! Cute and funny all at once :)